Change is Brewing

I am still here. :)  Barely sometimes, but I am still here.  Here's where my mind has been lately. 

The more time that passes from the initial shock of getting the not-so-great news this past spring regarding the progression of the MS the less freaked out I am about it and the less compelled I feel to be so drastic with my health.

HOWEVER,

I need to find my new normal.  What does the raw vegan lifestyle look like when I'm not so scared?  What are my REAL motivators for change?  How much do I truly care about  my overall health?  How seriously am I going to take this?  I have worked REALLY hard these past four+ months to get to where I'm at now and I refuse to sabotage myself. 

I have truly meant every word I have written on this blog and my intent in creating this blog was to document my journey and to be able to share with others the wonderful benefits of this lifestyle.  My own writing has been helpful to me lately because I have been able to go back and re-read what I have written and what I have gone through.  It has served as a reminder and as encouragement for me during this particular time.

I feel like I am in the midst of a time of change (again!) and I don't believe that change is headed back towards the SAD lifestyle. Instead, I am trying to define what being raw vegan means in my daily life.  I think anyone can do anything for a period of time, but what does it REALLY take to make a true lifestyle change?  I'm not quite sure yet.  But I am bound and determined to find out. 

I would love to hear any of your experiences in trying to implement a massive change in your lifestyle, in any area!  I can use all the help I can get!

Bloodwork Results

So this whole raw vegan thing is leaking into other areas of my life.  I thought it would only effect my food intake.  Boy was I wrong.  It has made me rethink a lot of what I do - like what I put on my skin as far as lotion goes, my overall internal health (hence meeting with a nutritionist) and so much more. 

Another large area that it has impacted is how I approach dealing with the MS.  Aside from the obvious (to me) physical symptoms I have had over the years, I have had NO IDEA what it was doing to the inside of my body (aside from doing damage to my brain and spinal cord).  I never fully realized what having a chronic illness can really do to your body.  My body is constantly trying to fight off this 'disease' and it always loses.  Maybe I can help it out by making the changes I'm in the process of making.  I want to help my immune system fight this battle!

Today I met with Dr. Hartman (nutritionist) again.  We discussed a few things, so here's the recap.  We more closely examined my bloodwork and these are the trouble areas:

• Cholesterol, Triglycerides and LDL were high (ironic, huh, given my diet? and the fact that I have had good levels for years - although he did tell me that other factors of my health are more likely the cause of this)
• Glucose is too low - i.e. hypoglycemia (this is why I need to eat every two hours)
• WBC (white blood cells) are too low (very typical of someone who has a chronic illness)
• Neutrophils are low (this is connected to the low WBC)
• SGOT (AST) is high (this is a liver enzyme and is most likely because of a previous medication I was on for MS)
• SGPT (ALT) is quite high (this is also a liver enzyme and is most likely because of a previous medication I was on for MS)
• GGTP is very high (this is an enzyme or protein made by cells lining the bile duct, which is sensative to any inflammation in the liver - again this is most likely because of a previous medication I was on for MS)
• Total Bilirubin is high (again, this is related to the liver issues)
• Sodium is one point higher than normal (supposedly connected to some of the other stuff going on)
• CO2 is too low (this is connected to energy, i.e. glucose, so it makes sense that this is low as well since my glucose is low)
• BUN is too low (again, connected to the low liver levels)
• Phosphorus is low

A lot of these items are connected to one another and are further complicated because of the MS running through my system.  I just don't want to get into the detail of it all here.  One thing I will say is that it more fully hit me today how upset I am that a medication I was taking to help the MS, didn't actually help me and in fact, it has hurt my liver function, in addition to related functions.  So in my qwest for better health, I can't help but deal with all areas of my health, not just the food.

So this week I am beginning to take fish oil and also Glutathion (which is in a lotion/cream form).  I need to have some additional bloodwork done to fine tune the regimen for the immune support I mentioned in my previous post so I anticipate getting started on that in the near future.  These last few months have been a very, very good opportunity for me to practice my patience!

No-Nonsense Nutritionist

Yesterday I had an appointment with Dr. Hartman who is a nutritionist.  It was my initial visit with him so it was overall more talk than action or decision making, but we had a great conversation - I learned a lot.  I briefly shared why I was there to see him - I want to do whatever I can to get my body in optimal working order to help with the MS and I also want to make sure I am doing this whole raw vegan thing in a correct, healthy manner.

We discussed the foods I eat and the changes that I have experienced. I'll be honest, I have had some concerns along the way for sure.  I have asked myself the same questions that many people have asked me.  Where do I get my protein?  (How important is protein anyway?)  What other nutrients am I missing out on?  Am I eating enough?  Should I be eating other types of foods that I am not? 

I was so worried that I would get reprimanded by a nutritionist for going raw vegan (since I'm missing like over half of the food pyramid!), but I got the complete opposite reaction!  YAY!  There was a small piece of me that hoped he would hear my story and say that I should add bread, pasta, whole grains, etc., back into my diet.  Then, with a clear conscience, I could eat more of the things that I had been craving recently.  That obviously backfired on me! :) ha!  He was impressed and proud of me for making these changes and told me to KEEP IT UP!!  So I'm keeping it up!  Especially now that I have someone to help guide me along my way so I don't get lost.  I have to say, though, that I am quite pleased that I just dove into this in the first place.  I think it was good that I took that chance and just went for it even though I was uncertain.

After I had given him a summary of why I was there, he told me that I am a "breath of fresh air".  I suppose most of his patients come to him because they HAVE to, not because they WANT to.  I am definitely in the want category.  He had SO much to say to me, that his mouth opened, but no words came out - he was that excited about it! :)  I told him to spit it out and that I was ready to hear what he had to say.  He laughed and said that he just had SO much that he wanted to share, he didn't even know where to start! 

MS INITIAL THOUGHTS:
He went on to talk about how he could help me with the MS and the various supplements available and the goals he would have in helping get my auto-immune system back in tip top shape.  All natural and seemingly pretty uncomplicated!  (Although I'll learn even more next week.)  So far, these are the specific pieces to help with the MS:

• Vitamin D (which I'm actually already on, but we'll work on making sure it's the correct amount)
• Fish Oil
• Glutathione (still working on learning about this one!)
• Immune Support (also still learning about this one!)
• Eat a Gluten Free diet (yay!  I already do this one! :) )

RAW VEGAN INITAL THOUGHTS:
Now, regarding the raw vegan diet - this will be discussed in more depth next week as this appt. focused more on the MS side of things.  First of all, Dr. Hartmann said that 30% of my calories for the day should come from protein!  MUCH more than I ever thought and knew (see my previous post about FAQ's).  I'm TRYING, by drinking my dark, leafy green vegetables in green smoothies and by eating nuts.  But he said for the time being I should definitely eat even more nuts than I already am.

I'm sure you've noticed via my blog that I've had a rough past couple of weeks.  I have been struggling with truly sticking to the raw vegan plan, have felt boughts of tiredness throughout the day and have lost absolutely no weight.  Now this is a doozy...

I need to eat more frequently.

What has happened over time is that as my body adjusted to having a drastically lower calorie intake, my stomach didn't seem to need as much food.  So I would eat less and less because I wasn't hungry.  It didn't seem quite right to me, but I figured since I wasn't hungry, why should I eat?!  Well, these last two weeks are a prime example of why I need to eat even when I don't feel hungry.  So the plan now is that I eat every two hours no matter what - even if it's just a handful of nuts or a piece of fruit, but something to get my blood sugar and glucose levels back up.

No wonder I have been constantly fighting the urge to go get non-raw foods!  My body just wanted the calories and the energy!  Like I mentioned, this didn't happen in the beginning b/c my body was still in transition, but now that it has been 11 weeks, I think my body has really adapted to the raw vegan diet and now my brain just has to follow. :)  Again, I have to readjust my thinking and approach and how I look at this new lifestyle.  Sometimes it hits me just how much I didn't know what I was getting myself into!

I'm pretty sure there will be additional bloodwork and other tests to figure out the details so we can fine tune my nutrition plan.  Dr. Hartman is a wonderful man and I am so blessed to have found him!

Purpose of Food?

A concept that I have never, truly cared about until recently is the idea that food is for our nutrition.  Sure, we want to enjoy our food and want it to be good for us, but I found myself going solely for the enjoyment factor and not really caring about what it was doing to my body.  Not until my health became more in jeopardy did I even seriously entertain the thought of changing what I put in my mouth.  I thought I would be doomed for a life of boring food if I ate healthy and I didn't want to go that route. 

What a lie that was!

Instead, I feel liberated.  I eat guilt free.  I get to eat as much as I want.  I don't feel sluggish after eating a large meal.  Instead I feel energized.  I also feel...clean...and pure.  To know that my internal organs and bloodstream have wonderful nutrients and minerals flowing through them instead of saturated fats and empty calories is, in an odd way, comforting.

I found this article by Debra Augur on the purpose of food which kind of sums up my viewpoint.

Initial Thoughts

I'll be reposting my 'journaling' from when I started this journey and eventually I'll get caught up!  I originally wrote this on June 30, just three days after I made the decision to radically change my diet.

This past weekend I made a decision. A decision to drastically change my eating habits. For the first time in my life the decision was NOT made with the intention of losing weight, but for the betterment of my health. To get my body, on the inside, working to the best of its ability.

What I am looking to do is get my body in the best working order it can be so that when things do happen because of the multiple sclerosis, my body is better able to handle it. I want to be able to say with assurance at the end of my life that I tried EVERYTHING to be healthy despite this chronic illness.

A few years ago I tried a raw vegan diet (mainly juicing, actually) and let's just be honest, that only lasted a week. In that week I think I lost about 7+ pounds because the change was so drastic from what I had been eating. But there was no way I could incorporate that lifestyle into my life, plus I didn't like half the vegetables so it was disgusting to me.

This time however, I am feeling desperate. Desperate for anything that will help my internal body and immune system be better. I don't feel terrible now, so I'm not expecting drastic changes in how I feel necessarily, but I'm looking at the long term. What can I do to get my body working at an optimum level? My body already has a disease running through it, so I don't want to add fuel to the fire, so to speak.

Step 1:

Eat organic foods.

Step 2:

Based on personal testimonies and what is natural and research (which I'm still doing), I have decided to aim for the raw vegan diet. To my knowledge thus far, this includes all fruits, all vegetables, nuts and seeds. No cooking, no dairy, no grains, nothing else. I'm in what I'm calling my 'transition phase.' I started this past weekend by cleaning out my cupboards, leaving just a couple of items that technically don't fit into this, but aren't chips/cookies either. (I'm still in transition, remember!)

Reality:

So I have started purchasing only organic vegetables, fruits, and nuts - and boy do they taste better! Who knew?! I have been pouring over recipes and other ideas of what to actually eat instead of just eating a couple carrots here, a handful of almonds there, and then an apple. I keep reminding myself this is a PROCESS and to not expect perfection immediately. I read somewhere that it sometimes takes people years to transition to a raw vegan diet. That seems a bit long to me. I can see a couple of months, but not years. I've already been able to make my food intake probably around 90-95% raw vegan, so that's good, I think.

My body is definitely in transition as I go from feeling tired (because I haven't eaten any sugar/caffeine or eaten enough in general-not on purpose though) to feeling great (because I have eaten only GOOD food).

Next step:

Tomorrow I will be going to the farmer's market to see what they've got there, and if they sell organic stuff too...I have no idea, since the farmer's market is not somewhere I frequent by any stretch of the imagination (although it's looking like that will change!). I also want to try making some smoothies with greens and fruit so that I can get more nutrition, since I can't possibly eat (chew) to get to that point. I’d like to try some actual recipes this weekend too so I can feel like I’m eating a meal rather than individual vegetables/fruits.

All in all, I am looking forward to seeing where I land, so to speak. I’m not sure if this will ultimately be my lifestyle, but I want to give it a fair shot. Besides, I truly have nothing to lose at this point, besides not getting to eat the foods that my body THINKS it wants, but really doesn’t.