Breakaway

This morning while I was working out and listening to my iPod, the song Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson played.  And it just hit me.  Like a ton of bricks.  I am breaking away from my old life and old patterns and into a new, healthier version of myself.  When I think of my raw vegan journey, this song is a great representation of me right now.

My favorite, empowering phrase in the song is:
"I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change and breakaway"

I wish I was better with words b/c I have so much more to say about this, but at the moment, it's more of a feeling...that I'm letting sink into my soul.  It's a good feeling.  One filled with excitement, accomplishment, defeat, change, remembering the old me, dreaming about the new me - the person I want to be.  Sure I have said in the past that I want to be healthier, but healthy people behave differently than I used to behave.  I am trying to become a person who does healthy things so that I can be a healthy person!

Now for the lyrics.  Maybe this song speaks to you in a different way than it did for me this morning.

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
And breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging 'round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

Persimmons

I had heard the word "persimmons" before, but didn't realize it was a food!  And no, I'm not blonde, just not very adventurous enough to try things that have weird names like that!  My wonderful coworker D has once again helped me broaden my horizons!  She always has some type of fruit sitting on her desk at work and this week she has a bunch of these:

Did you know that they grow on trees?  Who knew such a thing existed?!  They are either shaped like a tomato or like a heart.  First they need to be peeled, then you can eat them raw, cooked or dried; cut up into slices or eaten like an apple!  They are high in glucose, with a balanced protein profile, and possess various medicinal and chemical uses - and are not to be eaten on an empty stomach I've heard.

Since I've never had them before I didn't know what to expect.  The one I had was a bit firm and honestly didn't have much flavor.  They can also be eaten when very ripe by cutting off the top and scooping out the insides...how interesting!  I will definitely eat these again.

I'm trying to not be afraid of food I've never seen before and have NO idea how to eat - that's what Google's for, right? :)  Thanks again D for sharing your exotic foods with me!

Pace of a Camel

Today a friend told me a little story that gives a good picture of the emotional journey that I have been on for these past almost five months.

When people in the middle east (back in the day) needed to move, they would have to ride camels all the way to their new home.  Taking a camel requires a much slower pace and can take days, weeks or even months to get to their destination.  This gave their souls time to adjust to the change and to mourn the loss of their previous home before celebrating their new adventures.  A large part of their soul was heavily invested in their previous home.


In today's day and age we could move from the east coast of the states to the west coast in one day simply by flying there. In today's instantaneous culture, it is easy to forget that just because we can move so quickly, doesn't mean our souls follow suit.  Our souls need time to adjust and time to reflect amidst the chaos that surrounds us.


I have made some drastic changes in the past 20 weeks and just because I moved so quickly with those changes, doesn't mean that my soul has followed suit.  I think that has been the hardest part of this entire thing.  Overall, the food really isn't the issue.  It's the emotional and social aspect of it that has been the most difficult.  


I remind myself that I am on a journey and that my soul is trying to keep up with all the changes.  Maybe this is what was going on when I posted this.  Parts of my soul are catching up, but there is still a lot that was left behind, so to speak.  


And just because I write about the 'difficulties' doesn't mean I'm not following through on the lifestyle.  I'm just trying to process everything that's going on inside my head.


Now I'm going to chill out and let my soul catch up to my changed behavior.

Finding My Way

These last two weeks I have spent redeeming the previous three weeks.  It has been refreshing and I am learning the value of doing something because it is healthy and not because of the immediate results that I could/should be getting.  Very rarely in my life have I done anything purely for the sake of being healthy.

The past eight weeks I have lost absolutely no additional weight and I find it very frustrating.  I was losing weight so drastically for the first 12 weeks, that to have it stop all of the sudden has been very discouraging.  I think that contributed to me not being as strict with the raw lifestyle a few weeks back.  I went through a weird mind game where I struggled with if this was really worth it or not in every manner.

To make a long story short, I eventually came back around to wanting to continue this lifestyle.  I kept reminding myself of my long-term goals and to stop being distracted by the lack of short-term progress.

During those three weeks where I wasn't being as strict, I found myself trying to purchase foods that I haven't eaten in months...things like cookies. and bread. and candy. and lots of other stuff.  But I just couldn't.  Part of my plan with my nutritionist is to avoid gluten as well, so that eliminated lots of foods that could have been options.

I didn't realize that by living a raw vegan lifestyle I would totally re-wire my brain.  While looking through the food aisles filled with pre-packaged-anything-I-could-ever-desire, I found that none of it was actually truly appealing.  I couldn't even bribe myself to put any of it in my cart.  Believe me, I tried.  Really, really hard.

These past two weeks I have been fully back on track and still have seen no additional physical changes, but I am trying to be okay with that.  I found out there are some underlying blood sugar/adrenal gland/other stuff issues going on which explains the lack of weight loss despite my lower calorie intake and increase in exercise.

So I have been very diligent in eating the quantity I need to and at the frequency that is important.  I continue to work with my nutritionist to help get all this under control and to monitor how my body is reacting to all this.  Much more to say, but I'll stop here for now!

Next Phase: Exercise

Part of my search for better health can be found in exercise.  I have known for months that I would eventually incorporate physical exercise into my new lifestyle change.  But I also know how I am and didn't want to try to change EVERY aspect of my life and get overwhelmed and then do nothing.  So I have purposefully waited until I had this raw vegan stuff more figured out.  Despite what I wrote in my last entry, I really am feeling more comfortable and ready to take on a new challenge.

So last weekend I started exercising regularly.  I've had a few couple week stints in the past, but like everything else, I am trying to make this stick more than two weeks!  So far so good this week!  Boy do I have absolutely no muscle of any kind. But what a wonderful challenge it is to see where I can grow and how much more I can do even from just a few short days ago.

I've been doing cardio-like the eliptical and the treadmill-and then I tried a Power Circuit class (that was tough and very good!) and then this weekend I'm going to see if I like the Aqua Exercise class that my gym offers.  I'm just trying out different things to see what I might actually enjoy doing.

What is your favorite exercise activity?  Maybe I'll give it a shot too!